Introduction
I want to start with a disclaimer: the topic “How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others” can be misleading. I won’t promise that reading this blog will completely eliminate comparisons, doubts, or insecurities from your life—because that’s simply not true. As humans, we are inherently imperfect, and even with our best efforts, there will be days when we feel low and find ourselves comparing ourselves to others. However, what I can promise is this: even on those cloudy days, if you learn how to effectively manage these comparison thoughts, you’ll be able to navigate through them and bounce back more quickly.
From a young age, we’re often handed a road map by our families and society, outlining the path we’re expected to follow. For many of us, especially in Asian cultures, sticking to these predetermined milestones isn’t just encouraged—it’s seen as the only way to earn our family’s approval and validation. When we deviate from this path, it’s easy to start questioning ourselves and our abilities. But here’s what we often overlook: out of the 8 billion people on this planet, no two lives can fit into the same mold. We are different. We each have unique qualities, and that’s what makes us incomparable. Yet, it’s not always easy to stay rational and remember this fact, especially in moments of self-doubt.
Comparison is inevitable; it’s part of being human. We naturally rely on comparison to assess our abilities, traits, and attitudes. When done in a beneficial way, where you identify areas for growth or draw inspiration from others, comparison can be a useful tool. The real issue arises when comparison shifts from being constructive to destructive—when it becomes a source of self-doubt rather than self-improvement. That’s when the problems start, and that’s what we need to address.
What we do wrong
- We compare ourselves with the best part of someone’s life
In today’s information age, the sheer abundance of information itself can be overwhelming. With instant access to data at our fingertips, it’s easy to fall into the trap of constant comparison. Social media, in particular, has made it effortless to peek into the lives of others—whether it’s their accomplishments, vacations, or personal milestones. As a result, resisting the urge to compare ourselves to others has become increasingly difficult.
However, it’s essential to recognize the toxic nature of this comparison. Once we understand how damaging it can be, we can practice mindfulness and stop ourselves when we fall into the trap. Awareness is key to breaking the cycle of comparison before it spirals into negativity.
Let’s consider a simple example: Imagine following a popular influencer on Instagram. You see a picture of her in a body-hugging dress, flaunting what appears to be a flawless physique. Almost immediately, you compare your body to hers, leaving you feeling insecure. Then, as you scroll through LinkedIn, you notice that a former classmate has just been promoted at work. Suddenly, jealousy creeps in, and you begin to question your own success.
What’s happening here? You’re comparing yourself to the most polished, curated moments of someone else’s life. The classmate who just got promoted might be struggling in their personal relationships, while you may enjoy a fulfilling one. That Instagram influencer might not be as intellectually gifted as you are. In short, we compare our looks to models, our intelligence to scientists, and our achievements to the most successful individuals we encounter. This selective comparison is unfair and misleading.
If you truly want to compare yourself to others, do it comprehensively. Consider every aspect of their life, not just their best moments. When you realize that nobody has it all, it becomes easier to appreciate what you do have. By shifting your focus from what’s lacking to the blessings in your life, you’ll start valuing the things you once took for granted.2.
- Comparing the results and not the effort
Another common mistake we make when comparing ourselves to others is focusing only on the final outcomes. For example, when you see someone’s Instagram post about buying a luxury car, it’s easy to feel jealous if you don’t have one. However, what we often fail to consider is the hard work, financial discipline, and sacrifices that person likely made to afford something like that. Instead of immediately feeling envious, the comparison we should be making is in terms of their financial habits—perhaps they’ve adopted practices you haven’t. This shift in perspective can turn jealousy into motivation to improve your own habits and work toward similar goals.
Another aspect we overlook when comparing outcomes is timing. You might compare yourself to someone who started their career years before you. Naturally, they’ll be in a more advanced position than you are, but that doesn’t mean you won’t get there too. It’s simply not your time yet. As long as you continue to do the right things to achieve your goals, you’ll reach your destination in your own time.
We must learn to be patient with ourselves and trust the process. For example, you can’t expect to achieve the physique of someone who has been working out for years in just one month. So instead of comparing just the final outcomes, which only leads to frustration, focus on identifying the efforts and habits you need to adopt to succeed. By doing this, you’ll start to see where you can grow and make progress, rather than feeling discouraged by what others have already accomplished.
- Obsessive comparing – when you just can’t seem to stop
Just like an infinite spiral, some people can’t help but compare themselves to others constantly. This endless cycle of self-victimization and mindless comparison never leads to anything positive. One of the biggest culprits of this habit is scrolling through social media. We spend valuable time absorbed in meaningless scrolling, which not only distracts us but also fuels blind comparisons. What we fail to realize is that social media often showcases the highlight reels of people’s lives, not the full picture. By continuously comparing ourselves to these curated versions of reality, we set ourselves up for dissatisfaction, overlooking the unique journey we are on.
By first recognizing our underlying mistakes—such as comparing only final outcomes or ignoring the full context—we gain a clearer understanding of the issue. Once we identify these harmful patterns, we can effectively implement strategies to address them, leading to meaningful and lasting change rather than just a superficial fix.
Techniques to overcome comparing
- Be conscious of your thoughts
To overcome the habit of comparing yourself to others, the first step is to become conscious of your thoughts. Recognize the negative feelings that surface when you measure yourself against someone else. Identify and label these emotions, then gently release them. By acknowledging and detaching from these feelings, you can let them go more easily. Admitting and owning your emotions is a powerful way to release them. When you engage in comparison, you’re often harshly judging yourself. Instead, practice self-compassion and understand that everyone has their own unique path. Embrace your own journey with kindness and acceptance. Remember, your worth is not defined by others; it’s found within yourself.
- Keep a record of your achievements and acknowledgments
Here’s a simple yet powerful technique that one of my friends shared with me: maintain a Google Sheet or a note where you record all instances of appreciation and accomplishments, big or small. It can be anything that makes you feel proud, like completing your first 5K run. Whenever you’re feeling low, engulfed in self-doubt, or caught in comparison, revisit this note. You’ll be reminded that you’re having just a tough day, and the negative feelings you’re experiencing aren’t the whole truth. Reading through the compliments and achievements will help you recognize and appreciate your true worth. This practice not only boosts your morale but also reinforces your self-esteem during challenging times.
- Practice gratitude
I can’t stress enough how crucial it is to practice gratitude daily. One of the main pitfalls of comparing ourselves to others is that we often take the people and things we already have in our lives for granted. Daily gratitude practices help counter this by fostering mindfulness and appreciation for the life you have. Keeping a gratitude journal can significantly enhance your mental wellbeing. Personally, I end each day by writing down one thing I’m grateful for and offering thanks to the universe. However, you might prefer to incorporate this practice first thing in the morning or even as a part of your meditation routine. The key is to find what works best for you and make it a consistent habit. Practicing gratitude regularly will not only shift your focus from what you lack to what you have but also enrich your overall sense of fulfillment and happiness.
- Celebrate others
The Sanskrit word “Mudita” refers to a state of being deeply delighted or joyous, particularly in response to someone else’s happiness. It embodies a sense of shared joy and profound pleasure in another’s success. While this might sound simple, it’s often difficult to practice in today’s competitive world. We’re conditioned to see life as a race, feeling like we must compete for limited success, which leads to jealousy and comparison. But this mindset is flawed. The truth is, the universe operates on abundance. There’s enough space for everyone to flourish, and each person is destined for their unique success according to their path. By celebrating others’ achievements, we shift our focus from scarcity to abundance, creating more positivity and prosperity in our own lives.
Adopting the spirit of “Mudita” not only nurtures inner peace but also fosters a mindset of abundance. By genuinely rejoicing in the success of others, we open ourselves to greater joy, fulfillment, and the understanding that success is not finite. There’s more than enough to go around for everyone.
Conclusion
Comparison is a natural part of human behavior, but it can become destructive when it starts to undermine our self-worth. Instead, focus on embracing your unique journey and trust that your path is unfolding exactly as it should. The only person you should compare yourself to is who you were in the past. Reflect on the person you were a year ago—chances are, you’ve grown in numerous ways since then, whether in your personal, emotional, or professional life. This growth is something to celebrate and take pride in.
Take a moment to ask yourself: What’s one thing you’ve improved or achieved in the past year?
Perhaps you’ve developed greater resilience, deepened a relationship, advanced in your career, or embraced healthier habits. Whatever it may be, honor that progress—it’s a testament to your strength and ongoing journey of growth.
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